Definitions:

So many people ask me things and are not quite sure what terminology to use. So, to keep awkwardness to a minimum and to help people feel comfortable with talking about it, here are some definitions:

 

Real Mom/Dad: Most people refer to Alma when they ask about my "real mom". In my book, my real mom is….well….my real mom. And my real dad is my real dad. The ones who raised me to be who I am today and that would be Roy and Sandy Spencer. You see, a real mom is the person in the position that is mothering the child. And oh the things this child put these real parents through! HA! I am lucky they didn't sell me off. And I also feel that meeting Alma has made me appreciate my real mom more. It has never made me question the mother/daughter bond that I have had with her and that I will always have with her. She is my real mom.

Up north Mom: This is what I call Alma to other people. My "up north mom". It's been an interesting thing with her. I most certainly feel that there is something there that connects us together. I am very fond of Alma and I do love her. She is someone that loves me very much. I will be curious to see what happens over the next few years with her. She is an important part of my creation.

Family: Now this is where I really get excited!! Not only do I have a faithful family that has been with me through thick and thin…I have new family that I am learning about everyday that have opened their arms to me as well. On one side, I have learned that "blood" relation doesn't dictate family or real love. My family is a testament to this in so many ways, even with kids other than myself in our family. They are AWESOME! On the other side, this "blood" stuff really brings people together too! The Hude family has embraced me like I have always been there. And they have all respected the fact that I do have a first family and it's just so awesome that there is never any confusion. I am so blessed.

 

Anyways, I hope that clears up a few things, at least J Like I said, this thing sometimes is a little complicated but so simple in one regard….there is a whole lot of love and good stuff in my life.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Like A Mighty Rushing Waterfall…

So feels my life around here lately. To say the least… quickly changing and never quite the same. But like a mighty waterfall, I still find beauty is this thing called life. It's been a long time since I have written on this blog. And, it probably won't be read by many but, just maybe, it will help me talk myself into rhyme and reason J So many things have happened and I will slowly try and catch up you up on the story.

A year has gone by since I first met Alma and the kids. It's been a roller coaster but so many good things have come about. I have 3 awesome sisters, ages 26, 16 and 14. And two cool brothers, ages 23 and 17. We try to stay connected on a regular basis. My sister Sarah and I are becoming great friends. Over Christmas, she called me just to tell me about our brother and how he brought all his belongings to her house and there was not an inch to move. It made my heart smile because even though we talk all the time, it was the first real "sister" conversation that we have had. The phone call lasted all of 5 minutes and I don't think I will ever forget it. This big sister thing is challenging some days but I love it. And, I try not to act to old and mature when talking with them J hehe…

Alma and I continue to carry on. In the recent months, we have not kept touch the way I would like to. Seems like life circumstances seem to get in the way sometimes. She is such a kind woman and she loves her kids. I think she just has so much going on in her immediate life that it doesn't leave a whole lot of room for me right now. I do tell myself that we have the rest of our lives and that I need to be patient. For those of you that know me, you already know this is a HUGE struggle for me. God's timing and purpose are perfect and I just need to put that relationship in His hands. (And quit driving myself crazy!!)

There are so many dynamics to this thing. My parents, my brother, Alma and kids, the Hude family. Everyone has touched my life and opened my eyes and heart. One thing that I have learned is the word FAMILY means so much to me. Alma gave my parents the greatest gift…not that I am tooting my horn, lol....but she also gave them to me and for that I am grateful. And my parents gave Alma the greatest gift…they loved this little redheaded baby into a grown woman. I am so thankful. For all of them.

Doing the Greater Good...

But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, took him to an inn and took care of him. The next day he took out two silver coins and gave them to the innkeeper. 'Look after him,' he said, 'and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.'      Luke 10:33-35 NIV

 

A simple classroom lesson that was taught to me in Sunday school so many years ago that has made such an impact on my life. As much as I would like to be just like the good Samaritan I often find myself being more like the "other" guys. As the holiday season approaches and the new year will soon begin, I am already contemplating and planning how I will change my life to do the greater good. To Serve the Almighty in a new way. Show His love to others.

Times are difficult for everyone right now. And as difficult as we have it, there are always others that are less fortunate…that have less to survive with. Because of the economy, we are expecting a larger influx of individuals seeking assistance this winter. And frankly, we are asking you to search your hearts to find a way to help our Free Methodist mission, My Brother's Keeper. Please ask yourselves, your congregation, your youth groups, your Girl Scout/ Boy Scout groups, what can I do to help those that have nothing? Here are several areas that we need assistance in:

Financial: Please consider us for your end of year donations. For $17 a day, we can provide food, clothing, shelter, basic needs and support. We recently discovered that we will not be receiving one of our annual grants and really need your assistance in this area.

Items: Hygiene products (travel size preferred), men's shoes and clothing, canned goods, perishable food items, women and children's clothing, office supplies and equipment. We would gladly accept wild game meats.

Experience: We need your experience. The special gifts that God has given you. We are looking for people to help in every area; shelter assistance, fundraising assistance, mentoring, cooking, lunch program assistance, organizing, cleaning, etc. We believe in the ministry of presence.

As always, I will close with an exciting story. Several months ago, the Veteran Affairs contacted us about a gentleman that was in need of assistance and a place to stay. He was employed but after a bout with facial cancer, he found himself in hardship. When he first came to us, he was perfectly clear that he was not sure that this "God-thing" was for him. So, we didn't push him but we handled it in the best way we knew how…..we started praying for him. We prayed for him when his girlfriend of many years died in her sleep. We prayed for him. And not only did leadership pray for him, his fellow house mates did as well. Pastor Patrick recently told me that he is beginning to reach out and ask questions about salvation and about God's mercy and grace. Sure, he still has a ways to go, but he is seeking. I am so excited to be able to be part of his first baby steps. I will continue to pray for this man, and all the men, for that matter. When you say your daily prayers, would you please remember him too?

 

Jesus asked the expert in the law, "Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?" The expert in the law replied, "The one who had mercy on him." Jesus told him, "Go and do likewise." Luke 10: 36-37

Getting Closer…..

So, I received a call around 5pm or so that said she had made contact with my birthmom. It was hard for me to keep composure at the time. This is the overview of what she said. She asked her name, asked if she had a child born on this date….and birthmom said yes. She was in complete shock. I guess the only thing she got out was that she never thought we would be reunited and she would love have that chance. She also got out that I have 2 brothers and 3 sisters.

 

So…….

 

Wow. Wow. All the sudden my adoption is more than a story. There is another side of these papers. It's reality. It's happening. My story connects to someone else. Crazy. I'm trying to get ahead of myself. I'm trying to hold it together. But my mind is running 1000 miles an hour. What if? How? Where? How does this all work out? Will we speak once and be done? Will we be invited for Christmas? What if she wants a relationship with my daughter? What do I tell my parents??

 

OH MY GOSH…..what do I tell my parents? They know that I have looked in the past but I'm not sure how they will handle the reality of the situation either. I think that I am even more in love with my parents. They took in this little being…..raised her……grew her……put up with her……LOVED her…….I know they will be as nervous as I am. I will have to look for the perfect time to tell my mom. I will need to reassure her…..and then I will leave it up to her to tell my dad.

 

I will be talking to her at 6pm tomorrow.

What on earth will I do till then?

Did I Really Think First????

This is the beginning of my journey of search and rescue. I was watching a silly show on A&E called The Locator. I haven't thought of searching for my birthmom since my last let down a few years ago. So, as crazy as it sounds, I jumped on-line and looked up a company that searches, filled out the questionnaire and within an hour the company called me back. Well, less than 24 hours later…..I have a name, a phone number, brothers and sisters and a whole big can of worms just waiting to be opened. I am SOOO nervous.

 

So how does it work from here?

Well, the company I hired specializes in reunion and actually mediates the first contact. I am really thankful for that. I mean, what would I say on a cold call? Hello, mam…..This is your long lost daughter……surprise! Go ahead and pick your jaw up off of the floor now.

 

HA! It's funny, I have written so many letters to her in the past and have thought endlessly about what to say and now that I am down to the wire……I'm speechless. I'm actually scared. Is this a good idea? What if it isn't the right time in her life to meet me? What if her other children don't know about me? What if I say something wrong? What if she says she doesn't want to talk to me? These are all questions that I suppose will be answered sooner or later.

Until next time…..

WOW! That was close!!

Well, today was the day that every mother dreads! Kylee choked today. On a leaf. Where on earth did she get a leaf?! Anyways, it was close. I could see it in her mouth and I tried to get it out. And of course, she inhales and down the pipe it goes! I have to admit I was very calm, cool and collect! I put her in the "I'm a choking baby" position, gave her a few whacks and **BLAH** out it came! Thank goodness!!